Goodbye - at least for now...

I don't believe that love can be measured in time. Or that the strength of a bond is necessarily defined by days, months, or years. No, love doesn't work that way. I've seen people who have shared a lifetime together, yet their love and playfulness died ages ago. In contrast, I've seen two people whom have been together since they were teenagers, yet they still find ways to discover each other and adventure further onwards into the depths of one another -never allowing monotony or comfort to kill the excitement of mystery. There is also the type of love where all involved know that their time together is limited, thus those involved choose to give everything. This is how it was for me in regards to my connection to Stella. I can't be sure of how she felt, as I only know what she allowed me to see, but for me - I went all in without reserve, without thought about the future, without fear. Our time together was short, but it burned bright.

We scampered throughout Rishikesh and its surrounding places mostly in our bare dirty feet. At times we rented a scooty and just drove. We saw wild elephants, we practiced yoga on rooftops, we befriended locals, we traversed waterfalls, we made love together (my "first time"), we danced our souls clean at an ecstatic dance class, we played like children in the Ganges river, and so so much more. I can't really put it all into words...and to further try only diminishes it...all I know is that it was was true and real. True, real, and as always - it was fleeting. I'll say this now and I'll probably say it again. Love comes and love goes. We never know how much time we will be "in love", so when you've got it - fucking enjoy it! And that's exactly what I was doing. I knew my time with Stella was finite and that when we parted ways in India, we'd probably never see eachother again. It was one of the first times I was able to enjoy love without overcontemplating it all. I'm no disillusioned hopeless romantic. Life is a wild ride. One moment you're planning the future with someone and the next they could be walking away from you forever. We never quite know the length of time and to what degree that our love stories will play out. I've learned (through many "failures" and self sabotaging efforts) that it's best not to over analyze or to allow the mind to be overtly involved with matters of the heart. For me, one thing is for sure (or at least as sure as I can be considering this context) - as with all things, love has a beginning and it also has an end. I don't say this in a pessimistic depressing way. Just stating the obvious. Everything that "is" has an end. We have life, death, and alllll the shit that happens in between the two. This underlying reality is an important thing to accept, especially in reguards to love. With this acceptance - everything takes on a new meaning. The very nature of "love" not being forever is what makes it special. Time is limited, life is unpredictable, so in the words of Stephen Stills, "love the one you're with".

The day arrived for Stella to return to France. She was returning to her life of an actress and all the things that come along with that. As we waited for her taxi to pick her up, we shared one more kiss, one more drawn out gaze... and then poof! Just like that, she loaded herself into the taxi and before I knew it she was off into the night. Stella entered my life unexpectedly, caused a welcomed chaos, and then disappeared in the blink of an eye. As I stood alone after having said goodbye to her, I wasn't the least bit sad. I prefer the "pain" of goodbyes over having no one to say goodbye to in the first place. To have someone that you long for is in itself a blessing. She was gone...but only for now. Loves comes, love goes, and sometimes it returns again...but only time would tell me this...Goodbye - at least for now...