Circus School Graduate: What now? (2022)

The final day of the festival when we paraded through the city amongst thousands of people

Long time no blog! Alas, after some months of a hiatus due to lack of motivation, being busy with shows, and the constant grind at the traffic light - I shall make an attempt at returning to writing. At least for today. I'll pick up right where I left off, graduating from circus school in Portugal....

When I finished my schooling, I had absolutely no idea what I would do next. In the meantime, while I figured out the next move to make, I spent a couple of months working the traffic lights and applying for each and every open call/opportunity that I came across. I mostly didn't receive any responses. And for the few that did respond - it was a "No". I kept hustling, waiting, and applying. I figured that even if I had to wait some months before I found work or decided to leave Portugal, I could at least build up some savings from the traffic lights to fuel my next adventure. This decision ended up serving my future self because I would end up needing each and every coin that I had saved during this period. I've learned that even if I don't exactly know my next adventure, I can always be proactive in saving some money so that when the next adventure idea pops into my head, I'm ready to make the necessary moves that always require a bit of money (plane tickets, traveling, etc...)

As a fresh circus school graduate, it was daunting to show up and work the traffic light each day for an indefinite period. I had just spent the last few years training and training and training, and now I wanted to perform on stages or in "real" shows - not just my minute and a half traffic light routine. Sure, the money was good (or at least enough to survive), but I wanted the thrill and high that only comes from a full power show. Not only that, but with a proper show, you can fully express yourself in ways that just aren't possible when working the light. At the traffic lights, it's trick trick trick, boom, go for the money. While when performing in a show, you can have a story, you can have diverse emotions, you can have sound, lights, you can build a character, etc. They are two different things completely. Since then I've learned to accept and am even thankful for the opportunities and financial "security" that working the traffic light offers me, but at that point in time - my mind and ego couldn't accept it. I needed to perform.

After countless hours at the light, day after day, and with my soul beginning to wither away, I got a bite. A completely random and lucky bite, but a bite nonetheless. A Portuguese company called "Malatitsch" needed a last-minute handbalancer for a medieval festival in France. They wanted me to do a 5 chair balancing number (handstands on top of 5 stacked chairs) as part of their show, something that I had never trained or even tried once before. I was completely unprepared, but I needed both the work and also the change of rhythm in my life. I said yes....no no no, that's not true. I said, "Fuck yes!". I had 3 days until they picked me up at a random train station in some small Portuguese village that I don't remember. Finally, I had found the next piece to the puzzle, or rather, it found me.

The festival was in Le Puy, France, a place I had never heard of. We packed the team and all of our equipment into two vans and drove in a straight shot all the way to France. The drivers chain-smoked and smashed energy drinks to fuel the countless hours of driving. It was my duty (since I couldn't drive) to always have rolled cigarettes ready for the two drivers. I was happy to do my part. Along the way, we chatted about anything and everything as we bumped along the scenic French countryside. We arrived late in the night to a town that welcomed us to their hidden gem of a village. We would have one good sleep and then we would already be performing the next day. I spent the little time I had in the evening rehearsing my balance on 5 chairs. By no means had I perfected it, and by no means was it clean, but for a last-minute call-in, it would do.

In the little time that I had rehearsed balancing on the 5 chairs, I didn't fall once. So, I figured it was safe enough to go for it. After all, that is what I was hired for. I didn't want to disappoint. Our first show was going great. We had an audience of about 800 people (although it's really hard to put a number on a huge crowd) who were happy to be watching us, the energy was good! It came to my moment to balance on top of the 5 chairs. My heart was beating uncontrollably (as it normally does), I couldn't believe that I was about to do what I was about to do. It's not that this is especially hard for hand balancers, rather that I had such little acclimation and mental preparation. Anyways, it wasn't the time to doubt or to back out, I went for it! ...and...and...it was a success! Well, it was a success and then it wasn't. I successfully balanced on the 5 chairs and then, while climbing down from the chairs, I fell. The bottom chair wobbled and this caused me to lose my balance (on my feet) and to fall forward. As I fell through the air, my acrobatic awareness (the little that I have) kicked in and I landed on the floor into a forward roll. There was complete silence. My fellow performers were shocked. One guy mouthed the words "Are you ok?" to me. I took a half-second pause and then threw my hands into a victorious posture, pretending like this stunt was part of the show. The audience cheered and roared. I'm not convinced that they believed my fall was part of the performance, but either way, they were happy that I was uninjured. I only had some bruising and a bit of a limp from the leg that I fell on. The show continued! ...in my head, this was a successful fall. I didn't get hurt. The audience was by no means traumatized. And I was reminded of the fact that circus is dangerous. Let me write that again: Circus is dangerous.

We had about 5 performances in total at this medieval festival. Fortunately, I managed not to fall in the rest of the shows. They were all filled with big crowds and amazing energy. The whole town welcomed us with open arms. On the final day of the festival there was a parade through the whole city. We walked amongst thousands of people. I had full permission to do handstands on restaurant tables, bus stops, buildings - all was fair game. It was a dream come true. Thank you, people of Le Puy, France! What a pleasure it was to perform for you.

...a day or two before the first show. One of the only times I had to rehearse with 5 chairs...